| I consider myself to be a strong person for the most part. But, there will always be two people that are going to make me want to punch them and go back to seeing the psychologist again (even though I felt it was a waste of time). Those two people are my sister and my mother. I hate my sister. I can't stand her. I have no reason for this; I just simply do. Maybe it is because of her superior attitude and consistent talking down towards me that does it, but I don't know. Now, my mom, she is a different story altogether. I don't hate her, but I hate a lot of things she believes and thinks. For example, my mom thinks she is better than a lot of people because of her upbringing and that comes out (even though she hides it pretty well most times). She also believes in a completely different philosophy because of this upbringing. For her, everyone should anticipate what she wants and do that thing. She also believes that we should do what she asks simply because she asks (whether or not she is perfectly capable of doing said thing on her own). An example: getting things off of shelves that would require her to grab the step stool that is a mere foot away from where she is standing. No, she has to call me over from whatever I am doing (even if it is homework or work related) and get said thing off of the shelf even when I myself have to grab said step stool and do it. This infuriates me to no end. I am a firm believer in not asking for help until you have tried everything yourself or you know what your limits are, and you can't do the thing requested. According to my mom, she can't possibly lift something heavy because she is female and old, and yet, she picks up Jasper on a regular basis who weighs in at over twenty pounds. Today we got in a fight over a picture. She wanted me to take a photo of a bedroom set in the basement. Whatever, I said I can do it. She wants me to send it to someone, I say fine, I will take the photo when you have their email address so that I can send it to them. NO, this doesn't work in her perfect world. I have to take the photo at her discretion (and be reminded of the object several times even though it is the only bedroom set in the basement along with the only thing that is yellow down there as well). Then, once it is taken I have to make it perfect for her so that she can send it. I tell her that she might as well learn how to use the digital camera so that she can do things like this by herself in the future, but NO! She can't do this! SHE CAN'T POSSIBLY LEARN HOW TO CONNECT A CAMERA TO A USB PORT ON THE COMPUTER BECAUSE SHE IS OLD! This is, of course, failing the fact that she can use email, cd-roms, sign up and use the Wall Street Journal online, do all of her stocks online..... I tell her no, she needs to learn how to use the darn camera because I won't be doing anything for her once August hits. She gets angry and wants to know why I can't do this for her, and I ask her why she can't just learn! I say if she "can't" learn, then why doesn't she just use one of the film cameras and take some photos and mail them in to the person? We are pretty much yelling now and I storm out of the house to "breathe" in the 90+ weather outside. I hate it! She has no excuses for things like this! Using a camera is something she can learn to do! She already knows how to take photos with it! "But I might break it!" ... "Then I'll buy a new one" ... apparantly this makes her really angry because she and dad bought this for me as a present without ever asking me what kind of camera I might like (they always do this too). They just go off and buy things that are not what I need/want and then wonder why I am ok with them being replaced. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a camera that I might have had some interest in, but they never asked. And dad, oh dad, he just goes out, doesn't do any research on digital cameras and how they function/work, and goes out and uses his "expertise" to make purchases for me. He means well, but it just infuriates me. If I did the same thing with him, he would demand the reciept and return it (but I can't do that because they don't get gift reciepts because I should be sooo thankful). Ok, you know what? How many times have I just requested that we go out together to make a purchase, or you just give me some money to help make the purchase?! EVERY FREAKING TIME! The same thing happened with the gps. I said I was going to buy a gps and that I wanted a Tom Tom (because it had been getting excellent reviews, it was easy to use, and it was easy to have other people use). Nope. They go out and buy a freaking Garmin that didn't have the options I wanted (that the Tom Tom did), and when you updated it, it ceased being accurate....like, it now thinks my house is about two houses away (which is a big problem when it comes to making correct turns). But no, my parents obviously know best because they "do their research" and don't just go with "something name brand" without ever trying to use them or looking up people using them. GAH!
I think I am a little cooled off now...wait, nope. Mom just walked back in to bug me about the camera. Tears, anger, want to punch something.
Here is a little story about why I don't let myself get angry whenever possible. When I was in middle school, I almost threw my sister through a wall. I am not joking either. After that my dad told me that I am not allowed to lose my temper because of my anger issues (which he blames himself for, but I don't know why). He also told me that if I ever hurt mom, I will get kicked out of the house. Sounds slightly, oh, cheesy? But it made a huge impact on me as a kid, and he is right. I am violent, very violent. I have the capability to seriously hurt and kill people if I get angry enough (which is true of everybody, but it really struck home to me). Maybe that is why I am so mellow now, and try not to let anyone get to me. But seriously, I am not a cheery person if I am not around friends/in a good mood/get home from work.
Oh, sorry, you want to know why I drive friends to and from Detroit but won't simply do the camera thing for you? Maybe because they can't drive themselves whereas you can do the camera thing yourself? DID YOU NOT JUST LISTEN TO ANYTHING I JUST TOLD YOU?
That is the other thing, she doesn't listen. She doesn't listen and she gets very angry when we make suggestions that interrupt her perfect world. Yes, you snore very loudly...yes dad snores too, but no where nearly as bad as you do. Oh, you don't want this checked out even though it is causing people in the house to not be able to sleep? Oh, it is because you are old and your soft palatte is loose? Yeah, well they have a basic procedure to tighten that up and make your snoring managable again. Oh, you won't? Even though it would make everyone else a lot happier? Oh, you don't believe us about you having sleep apnea? Even though we sit there and worry that you won't start up breathing again? You refuse to go to the doctor about your memory loss and sleep apnea even though they are becoming big issues?
I am done, no more, it just hurts too much. |